Reviewed By: Flickman
Let me start by saying that if Arcade were made today, it would get a much lower score than the 3.9 I’m giving it now. The only reason I’m being even slightly generous is because it came out in the early 90s. That doesn’t mean the filmmakers didn’t have the technology to make it better, they absolutely did, but back then we didn’t expect wild CGI or big flashy effects like we do today. And while I’m at it, I’m still confused about the R-rating. This movie is completely fine for anyone over the age of 12… especially considering how unbelievably cheesy it is.
Arcade focuses on a new virtual reality game, also called Arcade, that basically traps anyone who loses inside the game. That’s the whole plot, short and sweet. Now naturally, a group of teenagers wants to check out this brand-new VR experience, so they head down to Dante’s Inferno, an actual arcade, to give it a shot. While they’re there, the company starts handing out free home versions for everyone to test out – as long as they mail back their marketing questionnaires.
As everyone’s grabbing their free shit, Greg (one of the teens) disappears while playing the game. Apparently no one wanted to stick around and actually watch him play – they were all too busy hauling off their free goodies. You’d think his girlfriend, Alex, would’ve stayed with him at least, but nope. She wanders back later and finds him gone, with only their washed out Polaroid lying on the ground.
Like the rest of the group, Alex takes the game home and decides to try it out. Things go downhill fast when the game greets her by name and starts running on its own. Freaked out, she meets up with her friend Nick, also part of their little gang, to figure out what’s going on. Of course, Nick doesn’t believe a word she’s saying until he sees it firsthand. They try calling their friends, but every phone line is constantly busy. They eventually head over to their friend Laurie’s house, only to find her mid-game… and she then vanishes right in front of them…Poof!
I’ll stop there before I just rewrite the entire movie, but the gist is that they reach out to the company behind the game and end up having to beat the levels themselves in hopes of rescuing their missing friends.
There’s honestly so much nonsense going on in this film that I found myself laughing out of pure confusion. For one, when Nick and Alex talk to the game’s programmer, he acts like he has no idea how anything works. It’s like he didn’t program it at all, like he conjured the whole thing with some kind of Harry Potter wizardry. And why do busy phone lines matter in a VR game that isn’t even connected to the phone system? Those are two totally different things.
Watching the movie felt like being transported straight back to my old 386 computer, playing Wolfenstein 3D. The graphics are basically the same: endless brick hallways, only this time with random spikes sticking out of the walls. It’s awful, but I’ll give a few bonus points just for the memories. The effects don’t look real in any way, shape, or form. Let’s just say that when the credits rolled and I saw how many people supposedly worked on this film, I burst out laughing. With today’s tech, I could recreate this entire movie with maybe five people – not counting the actors.
I chose to watch Arcade today for a couple of reasons. First, I had just finished the newest Stranger Things episodes and wanted something short, and at about an hour and twenty minutes, this was perfect. Second, the cast caught my attention. It stars Peter Billingsley (Nick), yes, Ralphie from A Christmas Story, as well as Seth Green.
As for the acting… yikes. Pretty much everyone is bad. Not just the leads but the whole cast. What’s really sad is that you’d think Peter Billingsley would’ve improved in the ten years since A Christmas Story, but he’s far worse here – He was just a kid back then and did a fantastic job. Although I’ll admit he still looks exactly the same, especially when he puts on sunglasses. He looks just like he did when he “went blind” in A Christmas Story. It cracked me up.
So is this a good movie? Short answer: absolutely not. It’s pretty freakin’ awful. Should you watch it? Well, that depends. Some people genuinely enjoy those old cheesy B-movie trainwrecks. But this isn’t “B” cheese, it’s more like “C-” cheese. If you’re over 40 and remember playing Wolfenstein 3D, you might get a kick out of it. If you’re younger, you’ll probably call it the worst movie ever made. I’ve actually seen this once before, but it must have been at least 30 years ago and I barely remembered it. I realize now why I didn’t return to it for so long but I won’t be making that mistake again.
Overall Verdict: Do you enjoy terrible movies or want to see more 'Ralphie' from A Christmas Story? If you do, then watch this. Otherwise, I would stick to the Playstation VR to get your fix of virtual reality.
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